Being True to Self

Posted on July 18, 2018 by marcia

Transcending the Tribe

By Caroline Myss

All of us are born into a “tribal mentality” of various forms. These include our family unit, religious background, country of origin, ethnicity, etc. The tribal mentality effectively indoctrinates an individual into the tribe’s beliefs, ensuring that all believe the same. The structure of reality – what is and is not possible for the members of the group – is thus agreed upon and maintained by the tribe.

While the tribal mentality has definite benefits in terms of establishing common ground and ensuring group survival, it is not a conscious agreement. We are born into it. Yet at a certain stage, both personally and collectively, the tribal mentality must be challenged. People can then begin to recognize the need for a personalhonor code independent of the tribe. If humanity is to progress, we need to learn how to treat everyone – regardless of tribal affiliation – with honor and respect.

Every one of us is plugged into the tribal mind. We support tribal belief patterns by directing a percentage of our life force into maintaining our affiliation with the tribe. This involves an implicit agreement to think like the tribe thinks, to evaluate situations and people the way the tribe does, and to believe in right and wrong according to tribal values and ambitions. As long as the tribal mentality within us remains unexamined, we unwittingly subject others to our tribal laws.

When we are plugged into tribal thought forms, we can easily believe in nonsensical prejudices held by the tribe. Tribal mentality allows us to hold harsh, judgmental positions or attitudes about an entire group of people: “All fat people are lazy,” or “all Irish are drunks,” or “all Muslims are terrorists” for example.

A rigid tribal thought form may have little truth to it, but individuals hold to such beliefs because that perspective is what the tribe has agreed to believe. Innocent children, born into the hatred and prejudice of their parents and ancestors, grow up inside a tribal mentality that sponsors an endless march toward war against the tribe’s perceived enemies. People grow up hating other people – people they have never seen – based on group affiliation. This is the shadow side of the tribe.

Inevitably, some among us come to a point where we want to break out of the inflexible tribal mentality. At some point, these individuals want to explore, develop, and manage their own consciousness without the judgments and limitations of the tribal mind.

It is easy to spot these mavericks when they start to question and unplug from tribal mentality – they hang out on the periphery looking bored and restless, or whimsical and dreamy. Others may act out the agitated hot-head as they challenge tribal ways.

The unspoken assumption of the tribal mind is that everybody loves being part of the tribe. And in many ways, we do. Knowing where and to whom we “belong” is crucial to our self-concept and sense of safety in the world. Yet when we begin the real deep journey of questioning, “What do I believe?” and start to individuate from the tribe, we often enter a dark night of the soul. It is, by necessity, a passage we take alone.

It’s one thing to reject what we don’t want to believe anymore. It’s quite another to begin to explore what we do believe. All we know as we enter the dark night is that we can’t go back – even when the tribe is the only world we’ve ever known.

At this critical point in our development, the tribe doesn’t feel right anymore. It no longer offers us comfort. Previous feelings of security and familiarity begin to feel like a trap constraining our individuality and hampering our efforts to discover deeper levels of who we really are.

This dark night passage pushes us to look at our false gods – the tribal belief patterns in which we’ve become invested and to which we’ve given our allegiance.

The Language of Wounds

For a large segment of the population, the language of wounds has become the new tribal language of intimacy. Prior to the current age of personal therapy – which only really took off in the 1960s and 70s – the tribal language of intimacy largely involved the sharing of only superficial personal and family data. Deeper matters such as family secrets like sexual abuse or a mad aunt or uncle were shared with exceedingly few, if any.

Divorce and financial information were also considered very intimate. People would almost never talk about such matters, or about their inner life and emotions. They talked only about the details of what was going on in their external lives. The tribal mentality at the time kept people from revealing intimate matters or deep wounds or traumas even with their family and close friends.

The current age of personal therapy has brought about a very different situation. Now, the tribal mentality has shifted such that we not only share our intimate feelings more openly and willingly, many have even begun to define themselves by their wounds. Let me give an example of how this phenomenon plays itself out.

I was in an Indian restaurant in Scotland talking with two men friends when the woman friend I was to meet for dinner walked up and greeted the three of us. After I had introduced her, another man walked over and asked if she was free on June 8th, as he thought she might like to attend a lecture on that date. The question required little more than a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer.

Instead of a simple answer, she began an elaborate discussion about June 8th. “Did you say June 8th? No, no. Any other day would be fine, but not June 8th. That’s the day my incest survivor group meets and I have to be there because we never let each other down.” She went on and on for at least a full minute with this.

Later, I asked her, “Do you realize that in that brief introduction, you told two men whom you have never met before that 1) you had experienced incest, 2) you were still in therapy about it, 3) you were angry about it, 4) you were angry at men, and 5) you needed to determine the course of the conversation – all in one minute?”

She replied, “Well, I am a victim of incest.”

To which I replied, “I know that. Why did you have to let them know that?”

She was operating from a tribal mentality. The group mind within the incest survivor community has a belief about how this particular wound should be healed. The tribe says, “You need a group.” The tribe says, “You have a right to be angry.”

People now get together in support group tribes that function within many of the same rigid frameworks of ethnic, national, or family tribes. Some feel that the comfort and security of belonging to a group or tribe is more important than venturing alone in the direction of real healing.

Tribalism in Relationships

The tendency toward tribalism can keep us stuck in repeating negative cycles in our intimate relationships, and can wreak havoc when a relationship is ripe for transition. Tribal mentality often teaches a righteous stance in relationships: an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. When we feel violated, the first thought is vengeance, rather than forgiveness.

Tribal mentality even has gender-specific undercurrents – women do vengeance differently than men. Yet for both genders, what rules the day is the tribal mentality that holds “breaking up is painful” or “betrayal warrants retaliation.”

Healing revolves around this crucial question: “Do you want to make different choices?” Are we willing to let go of old, constricting tribal patterns? Sadly, the answer quite often is “No.” Being healthy isn’t always the most appealing option. Quite frankly, in many cases, it’s not appealing at all. What is most appealing is being out of pain. Old patterns are difficult to relinquish because they do serve to relieve pain, even if it is only in the short run.

Change is terrifying for many precisely because short-term pain relief must be given up. Deep healing requires learning to tolerate the pain that comes with change. Fortunately, the growing pains that come with new behavior – with making the choices that will change your life – are often short-lived.

Thought alone doesn’t heal. Nor does action without thought. For deep healing to occur, we need the chemistry of conscious thought and direct action combined. Every thought or attitude we have – whether consciously chosen or unconsciously adopted through the tribal mind – invests a part of our life-force into that thought or attitude. This is true whether the thought is one of betrayal and vengeance, or of understanding and forgiveness.

What matters is that a whole system of consciousness – the old tribal mentality – no longer holds us enthralled. We no longer have faith in those limiting patterns of thought. Through this transformation we learn a whole new level of trust. We break the habit of telling tribal lies which bring short-term comfort but long-term pain. We develop a new sense of self-worth and of trust and honor.

In spite of all the heavy tribal conditioning, we now have hope because tribal mentality the world over is going through a vast transformation. And each one of us can play a vital role in this transformation.

With increasing numbers of individuals changing and transcending limiting tribal beliefs, the codes of the tribe are being affected. As we collectively change and evolve, the tribes around us gradually change and evolve with us. Yet ultimately, the journey upon which we are embarking is an incredible solo flight of transcending the tribe to find our own trust, honor, and new sense of self-worth and meaning in life.

Note: Caroline Myss (http://www.myss.com) is a medical intuitive, mystic, and author of numerous books and audio tapes, including three New York Times best sellers. The above is an edited excerpt of her essay titled “Leaving the Wounded Relationship Tribe,” taken from a compilation of essays by various authors in the enlightening book, The Marriage of Sex & Spirit, edited by Geralyn Gendreau.

The above is an essay from one of the free Personal Growth Courses offered by PEERS

from: https://www.personalgrowthcourses.net/stories/myss.relationship_transcending_tribe

Embracing Your Fears

Posted on May 30, 2016 by marcia

How To Turn Your Fears Into Friends

fears

Posted On May 29, 2016 By Jane Meggitt

President Franklin D. Roosevelt told the nation in the depths of the Great Depression, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” While people remember these famous words, they often don’t recall what he said next: “— nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Note the interesting use of the word “paralyzes.” When FDR was paralyzed from polio at the age of 39, his life changed irrevocably. He must have been terrified — but he overcame those fears and became one of our nation’s greatest leaders.

Mind-body connection
Anxiety starts in your brain, but affects your entire body. When you’re anxious, your heart races, your stomach flutters, and you might feel your blood pressure rise. You lose the ability to think straight and truly assess a situation. Relieve some of your fears by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Eat nutritionally sound foods, exercise, and get as much rest as possible. Helping your body won’t necessarily alleviate all of your anxiety, but it is a step in the right direction. Avoid alcohol, opiates and other forms of numbing yourself. They may quell your fears for a short time, but only make things worse in the long run.

Name your fears
What is it that you are afraid of? Failure, romance, finances and health — these are common anxiety triggers, but there are a host of others. If you name your fears, it gives you the opportunity to confront them. You may realize that some of your fears are groundless, but that doesn’t make them vanish. Think about why you are afraid, what is the worst-case scenario, and how likely any of these issues are to actually occur. You’ll get a better perspective on your state of mind.

Practice meditation

Meditation can help manage your fears. If you’re unable to sleep, use the time to meditate instead. Those panicky moments and bad thoughts will come, but over time, they’ll lessen in severity. Eventually, sleep is less of a struggle.Banish negativity
Get rid of the influences in your life that feed your fears. If there are toxic people around you, avoid them. As the old song goes: “Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, don’t mess with Mister In-Between.” That song was a hit in 1944, when the world was at war. Seventy-two years later, it’s still good advice.

Give yourself time
There’s a reason older people are generally calmer than younger folks. Experience shows them that life has an odd way of working out. People have a fear of failure if they haven’t reached specific goals by a certain age. That might be career, marriage, children — it’s another long list. Reduce your anxiety by “going with the flow.” That doesn’t mean you give up your goals, but realize that things happen when they are supposed to, not when you want them. If you fight the flow, you are only fighting yourself. Allow yourself to enjoy the ride, and remember there’s a reason that patience is a virtue.

Envy is poison
Envy and jealousy are often used interchangeably, but the latter has a sexual connotation. Comparing yourself to others in your peer group and finding yourself wanting is a great cause of anxiety, but resist it. You can’t really know the true interior life of another. Friends and acquaintances may not realize you’re anxious, unless you tell them. The people you envy may suffer more anxiety than you do. Conquer envy and anxiety, and make the best life possible for yourself. In the end, it is never the material things that count, but the kindness and joy you bring to others.

Reward yourself
When you’ve successfully faced a fear, give yourself a reward. It doesn’t have to be a major indulgence, just an acknowledgment that you’ve tackled a fear and won. More victories lie in the future.

—Jane Meggitt

from: http://www.thealternativedaily.com/turn-fears-into-friends/

Ladies – Get Back to Yourselves!

Posted on June 28, 2015 by marcia

18 Ways Women are Disconnected from Themselves

We live in a society where our relationship to things outside of ourselves seems far more important than our relationship to ourselves.

We pride ourselves on our families, our jobs, our labels and our outward expressions in the world. Not only do these matter, but they can often be sincere expressions of who we really are.

However, for most women our connection with ourselves often comes last, if it even exists at all. As we wake up each morning and catapult ourselves into the busyness of our days, we carry very little regard for the many ways we disconnect from ourselves.

Our connection with ourselves best serves as the foundation of our lives, with all else extending from there. We are the source from which our own life unfurls from.

The following are 18 ways many of us dampen, cut off and even destroy a connection with ourselves. My guess is that we are all on this list somewhere, my hope is that by reflecting on ourselves we will begin to transform the disconnection into a connection.

1) Being everywhere but here.

Presence is that thing we don’t often use even though it’s always available to us. Worry, fear, and our projection of the future tends to disconnect us from the experience we are having right now. Come back as often as you can by simply saying, “this moment.”

2) Our relationship to our body.

The body in which you exist is beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, it is sacred. Many of us have been disassociated with our bodies or associated only in a painful way. Sometimes we can feel as though our bodies are letting us down. But more likely we are letting our bodies down, by undervaluing our body or obsessing over it. Embodiment is the connection. Live within your body.

3) Being a spinster with sleep.

Sleeping is a daily gift of restoration and our time of dreams. We must make our sleeping hours sacred, giving ourselves just what we need to wake rested each morning.

4) Making food a fool.

Rushing food, under eating, over-stuffing, following the “best” way to eat. etc. Food is very simply our fuel. When we fill our gas tanks we don’t put $1 in there because we’re worried the car will be too heavy, and we don’t keep filling the tank until the gas flows over because we are trying to soothe and distract the car from its feelings.

I’m not trying to sincerely compare our bodies to a car; I’m just making the point that we are far more complex than a vehicle—we have a spirit, emotions and a worth that can’t be destroyed. Food is fuel to help our bodies both survive and thrive. The food our body requests may not look like the diet we think we need to eat. It looks like giving our bodies what they need. It looks like hydrating completely. It looks like eating just what you need to feel satisfied. And it looks like leaving rigid behind.

5) Missing the importance of menstruation.

Our menstrual cycles are incredible revealers of our health, our moods and our burdens. Our relationship with menstruation can reveal our relationship with our bodies. Our cycles are cyclical gifts to help us rest, restore and release each month. Learning to appreciate this mini rhythm of nature that lives inside of us can do wonders for connecting us to ourselves.

6) Hormonal birth control.

Our bodies, when hormonally balanced, are a biological beauty. Taking artificial hormones each day to trick our bodies into pregnancy does such tremendous damage to our body’s wisdom. It creates an artificial atmosphere, hides the symptoms that reveal imbalance and damages the natural rhythm of a woman’s body.

7) Trying to prove our worth.

Worth is inherent. There is no one to prove anything to. We really are enough exactly as we are.

8) Prioritizing things that are not important to us.

Walk through your day in your mind. So much of it is filled with the tidyings and necessaries of life—so much so that we often don’t get to the things that are most important to us. What’s interesting is that if we start our days with what is most important, then we often store up excess energy that can easily and lovingly guide us through our day as we tend to the more mundane tasks of life.

9) Not being smart with our smartphones.

We have addicted ourselves to these mini computers that we never leave at home, never turn off, and sleep with next to our beds. For most people, their smartphone is the very first thing and the very last thing they look at each day. We are so fascinated with other people’s lives that we forget to connect with our own. First place to smarten up? No phones in our bedrooms!

10) Being way too hard on ourselves.

Watch, for one day, and notice how many times we tell ourselves we could have done something better, faster, wiser or sooner, or that we should have done something.

11) Not giving ourselves what we need.

For most women, we come last. We meet the needs of everyone else and if we have anything left over we guiltily share it with ourselves. Not such a great equation.

12) Interrupting intuition.

Let go. Let go. Let go. Controlling cuts off that part of ourselves that communicates with our inner knowing.

13) Not following the rhythms of nature.

As women we are intricately connected to the rhythms of nature. As mentioned above, menstruation is a monthly expression of that rhythm in our body. Spending time outdoors is critical to ground us and connect us with the vastness of our existence. Get outside to connect with the messages nature will give you and the energy she will fill you with.

14) People pleasing.

Look at the calendar and to-do list for the week and notice how many things are on there to please someone else. Make adjustments and fill those spots with a few things to please yourself.

15) Perfectionism.

Sigh. The biggest and most challenging disconnection we battle. It feeds many of the other things listed here. It is soul sucking, anxiety inducing, and the quickest way to live a life half-assed.

16) Staying too safe.

We get so comfortable with the way life is and settle in deep to the safety of being there. This has no choice but to stunt and drown dreams—often the very things we’d hear an urging to do if we were connected with ourselves.

17) Seeking balance.

Balance is a fallacy. You cannot find it because it doesn’t exist. At least not in the sense we are seeking it. We cannot, nor ever will be able to, give an equal amount of time to all the things that are important to us. Life is much more complex and beautiful than that. We must live life so fully that giving equally to it all doesn’t matter because we give so completely to what matters at the moment.

18) Limiting joy.

Too many of us are not making time for the thing that most lights us up. Why does joy get put last? Because we are so disconnected with ourselves we don’t realize the value, the importance and the sacredness of ourselves and how necessary joy truly is to our well-being.

Source: “18 Ways Women are Disconnected from Themselves,” from elephantjournal.com, by Falan Storm

Photo credit: Mizrak/Flickr Creative Commons

– See more at: http://theunboundedspirit.com/18-ways-women-are-disconnected-from-themselves/#sthash.nFczompR.dpuf

On Personal WOrthiness

Posted on November 29, 2014 by marcia

Worthiness – a Key to Emotional Healing

30th November 2014

By Nanice Ellis

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

Did you know that virtually every emotional wound is intertwined with issues of worthiness? In fact, feelings of unworthiness keep us from creating the lives we most desire. In order to heal our emotional wounds and consciously create, we must conquer our fears of unworthiness, but in order to do this, we must first understand why we are programmed to feel unworthy.

Like most “subconscious programs” the Worthiness Program is often passed down, unknowingly from our caretakers, but even, on the rare chance, that you did not inherit this program, by the time you are in first grade, the program officially begins.

On day one of first grade, we are taught that there is right and wrong, deserving and non-deserving, and passing and failing, all adding up to either worthy or not worthy. Year after year, with every test and evaluation, we must prove our worth. But not just worthy to move on to the next lesson, the next grade or to graduation, we are asked to prove that we are worthy of approval, acknowledgment, appreciation and even love.http://wakeup-world.com/2014/11/30/worthiness-a-key-to-emotional-healing/

If we do what we are told and we fit in with the group dynamic, we receive rewards and our emotional needs are met. However, if we think for ourselves, and we do not fit in, no rewards come; leaving us feeling emotionally punished by disapproval, disappointment and the withholding of love by those in authority. In other words, we are deemed unworthy.

Society teaches us that worthiness is directly connected to our future and ongoing success in the world. Therefore, we must possess worthiness in order to have purpose, make money, and attract a life partner; just as being poor, having no partner, or no direction in life directly relates to unworthiness.

By the time we go out into the world on our own, we are deeply programmed to believe that others must find us worthy in order for us to succeed. In fact, we believe that our survival depends on the world agreeing that we are worthy. Of course, infinite conditions dictate worthiness depending on environment, culture, religion and society. We might easily meet the conditions of one group, while missing the conditions of another; thereby being worthy to some, but not to others. Maybe we even alter ourselves artificially in different situations and relationships so that our worthiness quotient increases. Of course, the cost of pretending to be someone that we are not in order to please others, always involves some level of shame and secrecy.

If we always feel self-conscious about others’ expectations, albeit partners, parents or bosses, and we change our behavior accordingly in order to get approval and be deemed worthy, we must always be on guard. So even if we are authentic in some situations, we must be ready to alter or hide our real selves if the situation should suddenly change; for example if we run into a co-worker while on vacation or a parent drops by unexpectedly. In this way, we can never really let go and relax; we must stay in a constant state of underlying anxiety in order to be able to shift identities on the fly – just to be worthy in this moment.

If we don’t meet the real or imagined conditions that others place on us, we could lose employment, be abandoned or experience ridicule. In this way, being spontaneous or authentic in all areas of life could be the most dangerous thing one could do – in the eyes of worthiness.

Even if you succeed and find your worth in a career or a relationship, for example, you will always need that outside source to feel worthy – this places a great deal of dependence on something you cannot control, and so you live in fear, placing all sorts of stress on the other person or external situation.

The real problem lies in the impossibility of proving worth, because you cannot prove worth.

Your Worth is Unconditional

Worth cannot be proven or dis-proven because it resides at the core of every being. There is nothing that you can do in order to be more or less worthy than you intrinsically are. If you spend the rest of your life sitting on a rock, you are no less worthy. Your worth is unconditional and guaranteed. This is what they failed to tell you in school.

The mere act of attempting to prove worth keeps you in a space of experiencing unworthiness, because in the quest to prove your worth, you must first believe that you are unworthy. It is like chasing the carrot on the stick and never getting it. In trying to prove your worth, you are really running from the fear of unworthiness, and this keeps you trapped in the worthiness program.
Worthiness is the core issue for a long list of challenges in life

Feelings of unworthiness cause co-dependence, addiction, depression, illness, victim-hood, abuse, lack of confidence, poor communication, power issues, obesity, indecision, confusion, panic attacks, abandonment issues, trust issues, eating disorders, relationship issues and the list goes on and on.

Virtually every issue imaginable is entangled with the issue of worthiness. Healing a worthiness issue can be the ultimate cure for so many of life’s problems, including issues of health and prosperity.

There is a direct correlation between knowing your worth and your level of prosperity. People who do not know their worth often experience scarcity because they do not feel worthy of prosperity, while those who know their worth are able to attract unlimited abundance, simply because they feel worthy of it. At the core of all abundance issues is the issue of worthiness.

Worthiness is also directly tied to self-love.

We are told to love ourselves and that self-love is the answer to most of life’s problems, and this may be true, but you cannot love yourself if you do not feel worthy of that love. You also cannot allow others to love you if you do not feel worthy. This is the number one cause of relationship issues.

What if you could make a Quantum Jump and heal numerous issues with just one shift? That shift is turning off the Worthiness Program.

How to Turn Off the Worthiness Program

Subconscious programs are created when a series of strong beliefs are supported in reality through emotional experiences, and perpetuated over time. If the program goes unquestioned, like most do, it grows stronger and stronger. If everyone around you is being run by the same program, it strengthens the morphic field of the program and even makes the program seem “normal” – if everyone is the same, it must be normal.

The way to turn off a program is to claim your power over it. No matter how powerful something may seem, there is nothing that has power over you. You have the power to change anything in your life.

In order to turn off the worthiness program, you must stop acting like your worth is conditional – and you must stop believing that you need to improve or change in any way, in order to gain worth. Looking to the outside world of people or things for your worth keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle with no way out.

The outside world cannot give you worth! In fact, no one can give it to you and no one can take it away. This means that you must stop making your worth dependent on anything or anyone. You must claim your worth once and for all, and own it forever – without conditions.

Even though it appears that the worthiness program is external, and it seems as if something is being done to you, this is not true. The worthiness program is an internal program, and it is fueled by your inner critic. In order to turn off the program, you must rid yourself of negative self-talk and self-judgment.

When you stop doing to yourself what the world does to you, the world will stop doing it to you. The outer world can only reflect the inner world.

To get off the worthiness wheel of fortune, you must release your fear of failure and embrace the courage to be different. Instead of judging yourself and waiting for the world to judge you, above all, love yourself and value yourself, whether you are wrong or right, whether you fail or succeed, whether you fit in or you are completely eccentric.

It takes courage to find yourself unconditionally worthy but you are the only one who can do it.

If you have difficulty claiming your worth, at the very least stop pursuing it. In fact, instead of spending the rest of your life trying to prove your worth, what if it was okay to be unworthy? What if you just gave in to unworthiness? This may sound like a silly thing to say but if you have the courage to give in to unworthiness by giving up the search for worth, the illusion of conditional worth will shatter, and you will likely discover that you are already worthy.

Owning Your Worth Changes Your Life!

When you are no longer pursuing paths or people in order to feel good about your-self, you become empowered. This means that no one has power over you, and your choices exponentially open up. If you no longer need others to find you worthy, you can do whatever you desire without having to worry about what the world says.

This also means that you free all the people who once had the power to give you worth or take it away. As you do this, your energy dis-entangles and you take your power back from everyone – and everything.

If you no longer need degrees, credentials or possessions to make you feel worthy, you are freed from a self-imposed prison. You can still have these things, but your worth is no longer contingent on any of them. Your worth is not dependent on anything – that is the point!

Discovering yourself to be intrinsically worthy allows you to heal all issues that manifested because you believed you were unworthy. The result is releasing worry, fear, stress and even depression, allowing you to become open, authentic, confident and happy. As you discover yourself to be unconditionally worthy, your level of prosperity increases and all your relationships improve, as you experience so much more love for yourself and from others.

Remembering that you are unconditionally worthy is a short cut to spiritual growth because you are no longer tied to the material world through needing it to give you worth. Unconditional worth also connects you to who you really are, while at the same time activating your intuition, allowing you to receive powerful inner guidance.

Owning your worth can be the magic key to an ultra-successful life. When you are no longer looking to the outside world for your worth, you are free to create what you desire. Free to love who you want to love, free to follow the path of your heart, free to express yourself and free just to be you – whoever that might be, and you might be surprised who that is. Knowing your worth allows you to tap into your power to consciously create the life of your dreams.

The thing is, there is nothing to do, and that is the point. Your worth is intrinsic. Right now, you can drop all your preconceptions about worth, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are worthy. As you say, I Am Worthy over and over again, a deep part of you begins to awaken, shaking loose the binds that kept you from emotional freedom. You have all the power to free yourself by owning and claiming your worth.

Your Gift of Worthiness to the World

Your mission in life is to find yourself worthy so that you can go out into the world and show others how to find it for themselves, just by modeling unconditional worthiness in the living of your life.

If you are raising children, be conscious of not hooking them into the worthiness program and teach them that they are unconditionally worthy – encourage them to think for themselves.

You can also help to release the people in your life from the worthiness program by loving them and accepting them exactly as they are. This means, as you rid yourself of negative self-talk, self-judgment, and self-criticism, you must also stop judging others, no matter what they do. Seeing everyone as 100% worthy right now creates the space for others to break free. This is the greatest gift you can give to any human being.

As you release the search for conditional worth and you embrace your birthright of unconditional worth, you naturally realign with a higher frequency of worthiness; a knowing grows inside you that shows you that we are all intrinsically perfect and worthy beings. As you discover yourself, and everyone else, to be unconditionally worthy, life as you once knew it, is transformed before your eyes, and you are free to live your life as it was meant to be. This is how we transform humanity into the New Dream of Peace and Harmony on Earth.

from:

Some Words from Gandhi

Posted on April 18, 2014 by marcia

Gandhi’s Top 10 Fundamentals for Changing the World

by Henrik Edberg

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problem.”

“If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.”

Mahatma Gandhi needs no long introduction. Everyone knows about the man who lead the Indian people to independence from British rule in 1947.

So let’s just move on to some of my favourite tips from Mahatma Gandhi.

1. Change yourself.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”

If you change yourself you will change your world. If you change how you think then you will change how you feel and what actions you take. And so the world around you will change. Not only because you are now viewing your environment through new lenses of thoughts and emotions but also because the change within can allow you to take action in ways you wouldn’t have – or maybe even have thought about – while stuck in your old thought patterns.

And the problem with changing your outer world without changing yourself is that you will still be you when you reach that change you have strived for. You will still have your flaws, anger, negativity, self-sabotaging tendencies etc. intact.

And so in this new situation you will still not find what you hoped for since your mind is still seeping with that negative stuff. And if you get more without having some insight into and distance from your ego it may grow more powerful. Since your ego loves to divide things, to find enemies and to create separation it may start to try to create even more problems and conflicts in your life and world.

2. You are in control.

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”

What you feel and how you react to something is always up to you. There may be a “normal” or a common way to react to different things. But that’s mostly just all it is.

You can choose your own thoughts, reactions and emotions to pretty much everything. You don’t have to freak out, overreact of even react in a negative way. Perhaps not every time or instantly. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction just goes off. Or an old thought habit kicks in.

And as you realize that no-one outside of yourself can actually control how you feel you can start to incorporate this thinking into your daily life and develop it as a thought habit. A habit that you can grow stronger and stronger over time. Doing this makes life a whole lot easier and more pleasurable.

3. Forgive and let it go.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”

Fighting evil with evil won’t help anyone. And as said in the previous tip, you always choose how to react to something. When you can incorporate such a thought habit more and more into your life then you can react in a way that is more useful to you and others.

You realize that forgiving and letting go of the past will do you and the people in your world a great service. And spending your time in some negative memory won’t help you after you have learned the lessons you can learn from that experience. You’ll probably just cause yourself more suffering and paralyze yourself from taking action in this present moment.

If you don’t forgive then you let the past and another person to control how you feel. By forgiving you release yourself from those bonds. And then you can focus totally on, for instance, the next point.

4. Without action you aren’t going anywhere.

“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”

Without taking action very little will be done. However, taking action can be hard and difficult. There can be much inner resistance.

And so you may resort to preaching, as Gandhi says. Or reading and studying endlessly. And feeling like you are moving forward. But getting little or no practical results in real life.

So, to really get where you want to go and to really understand yourself and your world you need to practice. Books can mostly just bring you knowledge. You have to take action and translate that knowledge into results and understanding.

You can check out a few effective tips to overcome this problem in How to Take More Action: 9 Powerful Tips. Or you can move on to the next point for more on the best tip for taking more action that I have found so far.

5. Take care of this moment.

“I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following.”

The best way that I have found to overcome the inner resistance that often stops us from taking action is to stay in the present as much as possible and to be accepting.

Why? Well, when you are in the present moment you don’t worry about the next moment that you can’t control anyway. And the resistance to action that comes from you imagining negative future consequences – or reflecting on past failures – of your actions loses its power. And so it becomes easier to both take action and to keep your focus on this moment and perform better.

Have a look at 8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment for tips on how quickly step into the now. And remember that reconnecting with and staying in the now is a mental habit – a sort of muscle – that you grow. Over time it becomes more powerful and makes it easier to slip into the present moment.

6. Everyone is human.

“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”

When you start to make myths out of people – even though they may have produced extraordinary results – you run the risk of becoming disconnected from them. You can start to feel like you could never achieve similar things that they did because they are so very different. So it’s important to keep in mind that everyone is just a human being no matter who they are.

And I think it’s important to remember that we are all human and prone to make mistakes. Holding people to unreasonable standards will only create more unnecessary conflicts in your world and negativity within you.

It’s also important to remember this to avoid falling into the pretty useless habit of beating yourself up over mistakes that you have made. And instead be able to see with clarity where you went wrong and what you can learn from your mistake. And then try again.

7. Persist.

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

Be persistent. In time the opposition around you will fade and fall away. And your inner resistance and self-sabotaging tendencies that want to hold you back and keep you like you have always been will grow weaker.

Find what you really like to do. Then you’ll find the inner motivation to keep going, going and going. You can also find a lot of useful tips on how keep your motivation up in How to Get Out of a Motivational Slump and 25 Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself.

One reason Gandhi was so successful with his method of non-violence was because he and his followers were so persistent. They just didn’t give up.

Success or victory will seldom come as quickly as you would have liked it to. I think one of the reasons people don’t get what they want is simply because they give up too soon. The time they think an achievement will require isn’t the same amount of time it usually takes to achieve that goal. This faulty belief partly comes from the world we live in. A world full of magic pill solutions where advertising continually promises us that we can lose a lot of weight or earn a ton of money in just 30 days. You can read more about this in One Big Mistake a Whole Lot of People Make.

Finally, one useful tip to keep your persistence going is to listen to Gandhi’s third quote in this article and keep a sense of humor. It can lighten things up at the toughest of times.

8. See the good in people and help them.

“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”

“Man becomes great exactly in the degree in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.”

“I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.”

There is pretty much always something good in people. And things that may not be so good. But you can choose what things to focus on. And if you want improvement then focusing on the good in people is a useful choice. It also makes life easier for you as your world and relationships become more pleasant and positive.

And when you see the good in people it becomes easier to motivate yourself to be of service to them. By being of service to other people, by giving them value you not only make their lives better. Over time you tend to get what you give. And the people you help may feel more inclined to help other people. And so you, together, create an upward spiral of positive change that grows and becomes stronger.

By strengthening your social skills you can become a more influential person and make this upward spiral even stronger. A few articles that may provide you with useful advice in that department are Do You Make These 10 Mistakes in a Conversation? and Dale Carnegie’s Top 10 Tips for Improving Your Social Skills. Or you can just move on to the next tip.

9. Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”

I think that one of the best tips for improving your social skills is to behave in a congruent manner and communicate in an authentic way. People seem to really like authentic communication. And there is much inner enjoyment to be found when your thoughts, words and actions are aligned. You feel powerful and good about yourself.

When words and thoughts are aligned then that shows through in your communication. Because now you have your voice tonality and body language – some say they are over 90 percent of communication – in alignment with your words.

With these channels in alignment people tend to really listen to what you’re saying. You are communicating without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

Also, if your actions aren’t in alignment with what you’re communicating then you start to hurt your own belief in what you can do. And other people’s belief in you too.

10. Continue to grow and evolve.

”Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.”

You can pretty much always improve your skills, habits or re-evaluate your evaluations. You can gain deeper understanding of yourself and the world.

Sure, you may look inconsistent or like you don’t know what you are doing from time to time. You may have trouble to act congruently or to communicate authentically. But if you don’t then you will, as Gandhi says, drive yourself into a false position. A place where you try to uphold or cling to your old views to appear consistent while you realise within that something is wrong. It’s not a fun place to be. To choose to grow and evolve is a happier and more useful path to take.

from: http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/05/09/gandhis-top-10-fundamentals-for-changing-the-world/

The Depression Trap

Posted on January 12, 2014 by marcia

6 Lies Your Depression Wants You to Believe (& How to Not Fall Into The Trap)

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ~Albert Camus

When depression hits, it hijacks your thoughts and feelings. It whispers seductive lies into your ears; lies that gradually start sounding like the truth. I know how that feels, because I have struggled with it too. If on the other hand, you knew the lies depression commonly uses, then you can ignore or replace them with your own inner truth. And every time you do that, you have healed a little bit.

So, here are some common ‘depression deceptions’ to watch out for:

1. It’s a chemical condition. So I can’t really do anything about it right?

Wrong

I’m a psychiatrist and so I hear this one a lot. And it dismays me. As a society, we have gone from one extreme-thinking that everything was related to your mother-to the other extreme-now everything is a chemical condition that is beyond our control. Both are too simplistic. We are complex individuals with unique and rich stories. There is no one answer that will always fit all of us.

Yes your brain is made up of electrical impulses and chemical substances that change a million times in a day and make up your thoughts and/or emotions. And yes, often times, severe clinical depression requires medications. In fact, they can be essential and life saving in some situations. But, and listen to this very closely, even when they work well, medications alone don’t keep you from getting depressed again. What they do, is give you enough relief to then workon your self, and change the things in your mind and life, so that hopefully, you don’t feel that depressed again.

In fact, some forms of therapy, such as Mindfulness based cognitive therapy, has been shown to be even better than medications at lowering the risk of relapse (as long as you’ve gotten over the worst hump).

The human mind is very powerful but much of it is amenable to change. It’s a tough process, but so worth the effort.

2. Anyone with my childhood/job/marriage/health/finances would be depressed!

Each of us lives in our own heads and so we only can feel our own pain. Yes we can empathize with others, but we can’t fully feel anyone else’s joy or pain as intimately as we can feel our own.

This can lead us to feel trapped by the pain of our own life circumstances.

I used to feel this way as well. My depression would tell me “Your mom committed suicide and your dad is a narcissist. It’s not possible for you to ever be happy”. The worst part was, I believed it for a long time.

Since then, I have been fortunate to feel my own strengths, to learn about the brain, to read books and meet amazing people who have overcome great odds, proving to me over and over again that the human spirit is greater than the sum of past events.

You have great inner strength and wisdom within you. Whatever may have happened in your past is only one part of you. Don’t let it dictate your whole life

3. I’ve tried everything. Nothing works for me.

Do you feel like you have tried every single thing to help yourself? And nothing is working?

If that’s the case, maybe you’re trying too hard. Sometimes chasing happinessmakes it more…..elusive, like a butterfly that will only come and softly sit on your shoulder when you can simply be in it’s presence without chasing it.

Try just surrounding yourself with people who seem genuinely happy. Not the Polly Anna kind of superficial happy. But the folks that exude a sense of deep contentment and peace from within. Don’t compare or force happiness to come to you. Just be in its presence.

4. I’ll be happier once I lose weight/get a raise/buy a home…

I wasted lots of my time in my 20’s hoping that if I just worked desperately toward achieving this or that, I would live happily ever after. Well, I did achieve most of those things, and it did make me feel excited briefly, but soon I had gone back to my usual state of mind. Feeling confused, I would replace it with another “goal” and chase after that, hoping that this time, the happiness would be deeper and long lasting.

And one day I was explaining this theory to a close friend, and she said simply “What’s wrong with now? Why not just be happy now?”

It blew me away. Because she wasn’t telling me to not reach for my goals, but rather that I was missing out on the possibility of NOW.

This very moment is alive with possibility. Whenever you begin to worry about the future or connect your happiness to some elusive goal, take a moment to bring your awareness back to this moment. Use your senses to really see, hear, smell and touch your immediate surroundings. And think of one thing you are grateful for today. Maybe it’s your morning cup of coffee, the hug your son gave you or that your friend called to share a joke. Whatever it is, if you truly loved it, spend a few moments being genuinely thankful that you had that TODAY.

5. I’ve screwed up a lot. I hate myself. I’m not worthy of happiness.

This is a tough one, because when we don’t love ourselves, that’s where the work must start. No foundation, no building.

Whatever you may have done in the past, it’s gone. That moment can never come back.

However, every new breath you take now is a new chance at life. It’s totally fresh and alive for you to shape as you like. And if this one doesn’t do it, that’s fine, your next breath is again a fresh possibility. And the next. And the next.

Until you take your last breath, you have millions of moments to start over and become the person you want to be. It’s up to you what you do with each one.

6. Most of my life is okay, except for that one ‘X’ thing.

I once read a story that goes something like this.

A professor puts up a big white board with a black dot on it, and then asks his students to describe what they see.

Most of them come close to scrutinize the board and blurt out the answer excitedly “The black dot! There is a black dot on it!”

Finally, the professor says “It’s interesting that most of you didn’t notice the whole white board in front of you, but rather chose to focus on that one small black dot”

This is what happens when we focus solely on the negative things. I’m not saying your difficulties are just dot sized. Not at all. All I’m saying is: Don’t forget to enjoy the beautiful expanse of white in your life. Because it’s there.

Source: “6 Lies Your Depression Wants You to Believe (& How to Not Fall Into the Trap)”, from thechangeblog.com, by Kavetha Sundaramoorthy

from: http://theunboundedspirit.com/6-lies-your-depression-wants-you-to-believe-how-to-not-fall-into-the-trap/

Weekly Chromoscope

Posted on September 24, 2013 by marcia

September 22-28:

The theme this week is expect a change. Things are moving fast and furiously now, and all the old stuff that you thought was so predictable is no longer so. Foundations are shifting and things are changing. You will see a lot of it this week. Fasten your seatbelt, and enjoy the ride.

Overall Color for the Week: Rose Indigo

It can be hard to face a lot of things this week, but the energies are going to make you do just that. You may be ready. You may not be ready. Either way it does not matter. Things are going to be the way they are. They are all part of the trajectory that moves ever closer to the climax of the year. This is a week for getting ready for that. You will need to become aware of that, to know that preparation will make everything so much easier when things comes to pass. But the choice is always yours. To believe that the old will always be or to choose unending novelty, to take each moment as it comes, and to rejoice in the newness that it brings. This is your week for looking at things all over again and choosing what is important, what can be jettisoned, what you really, really are here to do, what you have taken on because of others and their cajoling and what is your truth. Hey, no right, no wrong. Choices. But there are always choices. It is a good week for taking the longer view, having the wider perspective, and using that for your compass. Oh, and intuition, intuition, intuition. Listen to that inner voice. You can be very much aware of your body this week as it starts responding to foods, environments, people in new ways. This is not a time for panic, but it is an opportunity to work with your physicality to discover the changes it is going through and the stresses it is dealing with. Honor your body this week and heed its directives. You will feel better.

On the larger scale, there are some major shake-ups that can happen this week. The whereabouts will be unexpected, and the results can be either devastating or fulfilling for the areas in which they occur. We are not speaking here of only the political issues, but also the financial, climatic, and media-touted. You might just find yourself rethinking a lot of the things that you have taken for granted. There is a new kind of currency on the horizon, and it will be goods based. This is a week for looking at your personal worth and how your skills translate into marketable items. There will be some rather large figures out there who are going to try to convince the people in general that things are fine and under control and just to trust them. Basically, they do not understand what is happening and are trying to ,move away from their own fears. Interestingly, their egos have kept them from even considering that there might arise some kind of popular outcry on all levels and in all areas which could question, much less threaten, the plans that they have had set up for so long. There is something stirring in the area of the Balkans that can bring some interesting things to light. Some of it is related to ancient, ancient times and the original races of Gaia, and some of it is related tot trouble that is being fomented there due to interests that wish to remain hidden. It should be interesting as time goes on. It is a good time not to listen to what is being said in the mass media. Anything that is sponsored, remember this, has an agenda. Anything that comes forth from the heart is connected to the larger intelligence, and it is there that you can find your truth. Things are spinning this week as the pattern emerges more and more. You can see it if you take your focus off what is nearby and allow your perspective to widen. Weather, there seems always to be a great deal of interest here. Well, if nothing else, the weather can be capricious this week. You will see it in many areas throughout the world. In the high mountains of the Himalayas waters will wash to the surface some artifacts that have been hidden for millennia, but there time is now come to be seen, acknowledged, and utilized. The Adepts will know the function. These kinds of thing will be brought forward outside the mass media.

On Leaving the Phone Behind

Posted on August 24, 2013 by marcia

meQuilibrium

Personalized Stress Management

How I Left the Room Without My Phone and Lived to Tell the Tale

Posted: 08/18/2013 12:32 am

By Terri Trespicio

For one long moment, I debated the issue. Should I take my phone with me, or leave it here? I was only going to be gone an hour or so. I made the mental calculations — who might need me, what I might need it for. There was an emotional tug (I want it with me). This was a test. Could I be apart from it? Yes, I decided. I could.

After all, it was not even 8 a.m. on a Saturday. And I was on my way out.

To a massage.

See, this is a problem. Because there was not one person who had any interest in reaching me at that moment, nor did I have a need for anyone else. But it’s enough to sound the alarm bell, even for me — because this isn’t the practical weighing of a situation. (Will I need the umbrella?) This is the cry of a dependent person.

Oh, and it gets better. I wasn’t even home. I was away for the weekend, at a retreat center called Old Stone Farm, a charming 200-acre estate nestled away in teeny tiny Staatsburg in upstate New York. I was staying in a restored 18th-century barn and was about to get worked over by a professional energy healer/massage therapist, who would attempt to undo the very stress-induced knots I spend my life getting into. Yeah, I could probably do without Twitter, at least until breakfast.

The pathological Pavlovian response dictated by our devices is undeniable. In a survey conducted at meQuilibrium, 50 percent of respondents reported checking their work email outside of work, including on weekends and vacations. Sixty-one percent admitted that they can’t ignore their devices, and check them within the hour of receiving an alert, text or email. And what’s worse, 61 percent said they feel jealous, depressed or even sad after checking status updates. They feel worse! But they keep checking! (Read more about the survey findings.)

We don’t just have devices — we have a collective digital rash. And we keep scratching. We’re not just connected, we’re inflamed by our hyper-reachability. This goes back to the issue of stress addiction, which I wrote about recently, in which we crave that excitement, thrill, the “what’s next”-ness that our tiny handheld oracles deliver hour after hour. Sure, some of our fuss is about putting out fires, but it’s also incredibly optimistic — because you never know when that great piece of news, that amazing opportunity, will be delivered by the universe in a single ping. And who wants to miss that?

But I knew it was worth the risk to really enjoy the massage (a blend of Thai stretching and chakra work — super-groovy stuff that felt amazing). Rather than scanning the digital horizon for what would come next, I had the profound experience of deep diving into the moment, of becoming aware of my body and mind, yet comfortably detached from all its trappings (the judgments, the thoughts, the reactions). The only way to describe it is that I was being slowly unraveled, like a tangled, kinked electrical wire — and who better than an energy healer to do it?

I’m happy to report I didn’t miss anything during those 90 minutes. Not a damn thing. I think about what would have been different if I had brought my phone. Nothing. It would have sat there in my bag, dumb as a stone. And when I walked (floated) out, my energy, usually firing in jagged sparks, flowed in a single, glowing wave. I felt connected and whole — without being connected to anything at all.

from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mequilibrium/technology-addiction-_b_3745336.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

On PositiveThinking

Posted on May 21, 2013 by marcia

Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD

How to Become a Positive Thinker

Positive thinking is a significant element of happiness. In order to become a positive thinker, determination and consistency are important. The first thing to know about positive thinking is that everyone can do it. With certain cognitive and behavioral modifications, we can all become positive thinkers. Another important factor is that being a positive thinker does not mean you become numb to anything that is not working properly in your life or is negative — it just means that you approach life and face challenges with a healthier outlook.

To become a positive thinker, these may help you:

Change your self-monitoring: Instead of selectively attending to negative events, focus on the positive ones. Then pay attention to the delayed consequences of your behavior rather than the immediate ones. For example, if a job is not going like you want, focus on the fact that you have a job and how you can take your time to make the situation better.

Change your self-evaluation: Challenge any inaccurate internal attributions and see if you compare your behavior to standards that are excessively rigid and perfectionistic. If so, change these and be reasonable with your comparisons. For example, if you constantly compare your weaknesses with other peoples’ strengths, then switch this and compare yourself with those who are doing poorer than you as well. Overall, people who focus more on their strengths than their weaknesses but at the same time are aware of their weaknesses have a healthier self-evaluation result.

Change your self-reinforcement: If you have low rates of self-reward and high rates of self-punishment when it comes to certain aspects of your life, then you want to modify this. For example, think more of how far you’ve come, how hard you’ve worked, acknowledge yourself for it and then see how much further you want to go.

Draw conclusions with evidence: Look at the evidence, look at the events, look at patterns and don’t base your conclusions on assumptions. For example, don’t just assume someone will cheat you because they look like or in some ways act like an ex you didn’t get along with. Look at other elements to see if there is any evidence for your assumption.

Don’t take things personally: The majority of how people interact with you is due to their own personality, strengths, and baggage and does not have as much to do with you. Pay attention to how to differentiate between different interaction signals. For example, instead of immediately getting frustrated because the waitress was a little late attending to you, think that maybe she is having a really tough day or too may tables to take care of.

Don’t do “either/or” thinking: Black and white thinking based on perfectionistic thought is counterproductive. Every time a thought pops up and has words like “should” or “must,” challenge it. For example, instead of saying “this should be done this way,” say something like, “I prefer it this way but I am sure there are other ways to do and am willing to be open.”

Don’t do emotional reasoning: This is a belief based on feeling alone without any rational thinking behind it. For example, you don’t like such and such but you don’t have any logical reason for not liking them.

Challenge your “what if” thoughts: When faced with too much fear about a situation, imagine the worst case scenario and visualize a solution for it, then let go of fear. This way, you will be prepared for anything and your fear would not block you from being open and creative to different solutions. For example, if you are constantly worried about losing your job up to a point where it is creating a lot of anxiety and fear and is effecting your performance and your happiness negatively, then think of losing your job, visualize how you will handle it, find solutions in your mind and then let go of the thought and the fear attached to it.

At the end, positive thinkers are better problem solvers and have better interactions. In addition to that, people who are positive thinkers are happier and more satisfied with their life.

Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD

from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/roya-r-rad-ma-psyd/positive-thinking_b_3267243.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

Toning Down the Inner Critic

Posted on September 1, 2011 by marcia

Walter E. Jacobson, M.D.

Psychiatrist, speaker and author, ‘Forgive to Win!’

How to Turn the Volume Down on Your Inner Critic

Posted: 9/1/11 08:34 AM ET

Many of us resist change because we are more comfortable with the known, as bad as it may be, compared to the unknown, which we fear could be far worse. Many of us resist change because we fear it may make others uncomfortable to the point where they distance themselves from us and possibly leave us, triggering our abandonment issues in the process.

Consequently, instead of making efforts to change and being willing to deal with the uncertainty of the unknown and the possible abandonment of others, we cling to the past, we cling to the unsatisfying relationships and circumstances of our lives, we don’t take risks and we accept a life less lived.

What can we do about it? First, we have to deal with the prevailing fear that is dominating our resistance to change. We must make the conscious decision that it’s better to risk potential disappointments, in an effort to reach for the stars, rather than accept a life of dormant dreams and quiet desperation.

We must make the conscious decision that if people can’t accept us for choosing to change it may be painful, but we’ll deal with it. We may feel abandoned by them, but we won’t abandon ourselves. We have faith that others will enter our lives, attracted by what we are striving to achieve, who will appreciate and support our growth efforts.

Once we make a commitment to change, we must vigilantly monitor our thoughts and neutralize our inner critic, that negative, disparaging, shaming and degrading voice inside our head that keeps telling us that we’re not good enough, we’re not loveable, we’re unworthy, we don’t deserve success and happiness and that it is a pointless waste of time to try to become something more.

We must de-fang our inner critic and give it no power to fuel our fear and our doubt, to discourage us and derail us. We must de-throne our inner critic and replace it with our inner colleague — that inspiring, encouraging, uplifting voice inside our head, that loving and nurturing voice of our higher self that truly knows what’s best for us.

For far too long we have kept that voice soft if not silent, relegating it to the back seat of our consciousness. But now, having made the commitment to change, we pump up the volume and use it to repeatedly reinforce positive, optimistic messages that neutralize the negative, critical labels from our inner critic and, at the same time, fuel our passion, our persistence and our perseverance.

Bottom line: We don’t have to sell ourselves short. We don’t have to settle for less. There is great joy and abundance available to each of us when we release ourselves from the bondage of “I can’t” and other limiting self-definitions.