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Open To Your Own Wisdom

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Higher Self: 11 Ways to Connect With Your Soul

August 17th, 2020

By Aletheia Luna

 

Every man is a divinity in disguise, a god playing the fool. ? Ralph Waldo Emerson

Through the ages, the Higher Self has been given many names: the inner Self, Soul, Christ-consciousness, Beloved, Buddha-nature, and Spirit. Regardless of what we call this fundamental inner Core, it is our deepest, most Divine essence.

Yet despite being familiar with these concepts, many of us still struggle to understand the Higher Self and its role in our lives. In other words, how can we transform this topic from an intellectual concept into a feeling that we experience

What is the Higher Self?

The Higher Self is your True Nature: it is your wise, unconditionally loving, creative, Whole, and eternal inner Center.Deep down, we all carry a certain level of resonance with these words. We recognize that there is something mysterious within us, something sacred. What few of us manage to come to terms with, however, is that our Higher Self totally goes beyond our conditioned fears, limiting beliefs, wounds, and ego fixations. It actually represents our most authentic state of being that we’ve lost touch with in modern life. While our Higher Selves are completely free, they can be blocked, repressed, and denied by the limited ego (or small self).

The Shaman and the Lake Story

You are an aperture through which the universe is looking at and exploring itself. Through our eyes, the universe is perceiving itself. Through our ears, the universe is listening to its harmonies. We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.

? Alan W. Watts (The Book)

I want to share with you a story that will help illustrate what the Higher Self is:

Once there was a Great Ocean. All of existence was birthed from this Great Ocean, lived off this Great Ocean, and returned back to this Great Ocean. In the beginning, millions upon millions of tiny rivers sprung from this Great Ocean. Each river snaked across the land like delicate veins. But one day, a great drought came. No one saw it coming. The scorching sun dried up each snaking river so greatly that they all turned into lakes. No longer were they connected to the Great Ocean, so they felt great loneliness and isolation. As time went by, each little lake became more and more depressed, forgetting the Great Ocean.

One day, a shaman came to drink from one of the lakes. He noticed that it was depressed. “Why are you so sad?” he asked. The lake, despondent and gloomy responded, “Because I am nearly dried up and there is little water left. Time is running out. Soon I will be gone forever.” The Shaman peered intently at the lake and laughed hysterically. “Silly lake, don’t you know that you are connected to the Great Ocean? Although you change, you are changeless. Your water evaporates and returns back to the Great Ocean. It is then reborn, repurposed, and redistributed. How can you live or die? You are birthless and deathless. You are in all things. You are all things.”

This story is the best way I can think to describe the Higher Self.

We are all like the lakes in this story. We believe that we are separate, isolated and cut off because of the ego. But something within us (the Shaman) continuously drives us closer to the truth through the voice of intuition, instinct, and deep knowing.

Eventually in life we have an illuminating moment of self-realization or remembrance: that we are rivers that are connected to the Great Ocean. The river represents the Higher Self. The Great Ocean represents Spirit, Source, or Oneness.

‘Benefits’ of Connecting With Your Higher Self

Here are some inevitable benefits of reconnecting with your True Nature. In fact, I prefer to think of these “benefits” as “semi-permanent to permanent shifts of being” depending on how strong the encounter is:

  • Lowered or completely diminished anxiety
  • Lowered or completely diminished depression
  • Openness and receptivity to life
  • Creativity and inspiration
  • Enhancement of intuition and spiritual/personal gifts
  • Greater tolerance and patience
  • No longer fearing death
  • Developing a mystical perception of life
  • Cultivating unconditional love for self and others

These “benefits” touch only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to experiencing your Higher Self! Because the experience is so individualized and personal, we all taste different benefits to varying degrees.

11 Ways to Reconnect With Your Higher Self

I first encountered my Higher Self during an intensely traumatic shamanic experience. In this encounter, I lived through what felt like hell.

All of my deepest fears were exposed and laid completely bare in front of me.

For about an hour or more I experienced waves of the purest forms of anxiety, paranoia, terror, insanity, and loneliness imaginable.Despite constantly feeling on the verge of madness, I managed to surrender and accept what was happening. This shamanic experience awakened me to the existence of my Higher Self, or what I prefer to call “Divine Nature.”

Thankfully traumatic experiences aren’t the only way to reconnect with your Higher Self, however!

Other people encounter the Higher Self during activities such as meditation, fasting, wilderness retreats, dreams, visions, or even near-death/out of body experiences.However, for everyone the situation or technique is different — there is definitely no one “prescribed” way to experience the Higher Self. Sometimes, we experience our Higher Selves in completely spontaneous and ordinary circumstances!

Here are some paths and practices that may help you reconnect with your Higher Self:

1. Discover the face of your Higher Self

What does your Sacred Self look like or resemble? You might like to use visualization, inner journeying, or self-hypnosis to help you with this. Although your Higher Self is ultimately beyond all labels and forms, it helps to have a visual depiction to aid the human mind.

2. What does your Higher Self feel like?

For example, when you have a mystical experience or a spontaneous meeting with this deeper part of you, what sensations arise within your body? How does your chest, belly, head, and body as a whole feel? You can also connect with your intuition to help you answer this question. As your intuition is the voice of your Soul/Higher Self, it provides direct access to this eternal part within you. Pay attention to what the voice of your intuition feels like within you. Is it a soft whisper? Perhaps it is a feeling of inner stillness, calmness, compassion, or deep knowing.

3. What message/s does your Higher Self have for you?

You might like to explore automatic writing, dream analysis, and even the use of oracle cards to connect with the messages of your Higher Self. You can also try developing more body awareness and use inner visceral mindfulness as a way of tuning in to present moment guidance. Meditation is another powerful way of connecting with the insight offered by your Higher Self.

4. Make time for silence and contemplation every day

Start with a minimum of 10 minutes daily. You can use this time to meditate or to simply revel in nature and the wonders of existence. What feelings or thoughts do you have during this time? You might like to record them in a journal.

5. Explore what things you can surrender or let go of

One of the biggest reasons why we struggle to connect with our Higher Selves is that we are carrying too much mental and emotional baggage. What needs to be surrendered and removed from your life? How can you practice letting go more? Introspect and examine what beliefs, ideals, assumptions, and/or conditionings are causing you to feel separate and unhappy.

6. In what ways can you accept and love yourself (and others) more?

Love opens your heart, and your heart is a direct doorway into your Soul. What could be a more powerful way of reconnecting with your True Nature? The more love you feel, the more life expands, and the more deeply you can embody your Higher Self. Learning how to love yourself is a crucial way to experience your True Nature. Ask yourself, “What within me needs to be held in the loving arms of compassion and self-forgiveness right now?”

7. Try non-resistance (“going with the flow”) for one day

Here’s an experiment: commit to allowing everything to happen as it happens, including your thoughts, emotions, and external circumstances. Try this for at least one day. How do you feel? The more we resist life, the more we are stuck within our dualistic minds. Non-resistance doesn’t mean being a push-over or doormat (it’s important to create boundaries and say no). Instead, non-resistance is a philosophy toward life. It honors reality – and the more connected we are with reality, the more access we have to our Higher Selves.

8. Discover who (or what) your Spirit Guide is

Spirit Guides are powerful beings that help us to connect with the truth, courage, wisdom, and love within us. Whether you believe them to be archetypes or actual independent energies is irrelevant: they can help you connect with your Higher Self by guiding you into rediscovering who you really are.

9. Find your soul place

We all have at least one soul place on earth. A soul place is a special site or spot where we experience unique feelings of belonging, empowerment, and energetic rejuvenation. Finding your soul place will help you to connect with your True Self by relaxing and slowing down your nervous system, as well as inspiring you to be introspective and mindful.

10. Practice mirror work

When you stare gently into your eyes in a mirror and call on the presence of your Soul, what do you feel? What do you experience? The eyes, after all, are the mirrors of the soul. See if you can gently move past the voices of self-judgment that naturally arise when doing this activity, and tap into your inner Source. This is a powerful and rapid way of reconnecting with your Higher Nature. Read more about mirror work.

11. Connect with the present moment

Awakening to your True Nature can only (and ever) happen right here, right now, in the present moment. This is the secret passed down through ancient traditions and spiritual teachings: Paradise is here within you, the Kingdom of Heaven is Now.

The difficulty we face is the monkey mind that is constantly running around, trying to get us to some special future place. But the beauty and ultimate compassion of Life is that you don’t have to find your Higher Self/Soul in the future: it’s right here within you!

Unfortunately, most of us struggle to settle into this simple but sacred truth. Our minds have such a strong grip on us that we can barely sit still for two seconds without squirming and trying to avoid how we feel. This is why a combination of spirituality and psychology is so important. We need psychology to help untie our inner knots, and we need spirituality to help loosen the mind….

To connect with your Higher Self, try establishing a regular meditation practice. Explore different meditation techniques (such as following the breath, open awareness, body scan, self-inquiry, etc.) and see what works for you. Sometimes a combination of techniques works the best. If you need help, try downloading a free meditation app such as Calm, Headspace, or InsightTimer.

“Higher” Self is Not Exactly True

In fact, any label that describes That-Powerful-Presence-Within-Us isn’t correct as it both transcends and integrates all labels. On an absolute level, our True Nature simply is – it is beyond time, beyond duality, beyond even thought.

However, for the human mind it does help to refer to that Powerful Presence within us with a phrase such as Higher Self because it does indeed feel ‘higher’ than the ego (and so it is in a sense). But that is not all it is and we need to be careful of making the mistake of associating spirituality with nothing but the ascending, transcendent path.

Remember that true spirituality, your True Nature, encompasses everything.It is here in the dull moments just as equally as it is in the ecstatic and blissful moments. It is here while you’re scrubbing dirty pans in the sink just as much as it is while you’re gazing at the stars.

Terms such as ‘Higher Self,’ ‘Buddha Nature,’ and ‘Soul’ are useful, but they’re ultimately limited. Who you are is so much more than a concept. Remember that as you seek to reconnect with the Truth of Who You Really Are.

Higher Self Q&A

How to listen to your higher self?

The best way to listen to your Higher Self is by learning how to trust your intuition. Your intuition is like a conversation between your mind and heart: it communicates the deepest and wisest truths that you need to be aware of in the moment. Start by journaling about any intuitive ‘hits’ you’ve received during the day and check back on them. What happens when you listen to vs. ignore these intuitive tugs or gut instincts?

Is the higher self the same as the soul?

Yes. The ‘Soul‘ is just another way of saying Higher Self. These words can be used interchangeably.

What is my lower self vs. higher self?

Your lower self is your small, limited ego. It is the self that believes itself to be separate from existence. Your Higher Self, on the other hand, is your True Nature that recognizes itself as one drop in the Ocean of Life. While your lower self is defined by fear, isolation, and paranoia, your Higher Self is defined by love, interconnectedness, and expansion.

What questions should I ask my higher self?

When reconnecting with your Higher Self, try to think carefully of deep and significant questions you’d like to be answered. Questions might include, “What is my life’s purpose?” “What are my gifts?” “Why do I keep repeating this negative pattern?” and so on. Remember that the answers may be revealed to you slowly, so be patient but receptive.

How to connect with your higher self?

There are numerous ways of connecting with your Higher Self. Some paths you may like to consider include meditating, going out in nature, practicing dream work and mirror work, using oracle cards, doing guided visualizations, and so on. Choose a path that resonates with you.

from:    https://wakeup-world.com/2020/08/17/higher-self-11-ways-to-connect-with-your-soul/

Transformative Nature of Forgiveness

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The Power of Forgiveness: The Transformational Effect of Letting Go of Resentment

The Power of Forgiveness - The Transformational Effect of Letting Go of Resentment 4

26th August 2016

By Steve Taylor, PhD

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

Recently I met a woman called Sena, whose brother was killed 13 years ago. Tony, her brother, was working as a chef in the British army, when he was shot by one of the soldiers in his own unit. The soldier claimed it was an accident, that the gun had just gone off as he put it over his knees. He was eventually sentenced to two years in prison for manslaughter. The death was made even more tragic by the fact that Tony’s wife was pregnant with their first child.

Sena’s life was thrown into disarray. She had a psychological breakdown, couldn’t work or sleep, and was put on strong psychiatric drugs. She became timid, felt that she couldn’t face the outside world, and didn’t leave her house for months. It was made worse by the media attention which the incident caused. The investigation and trial lasted for more than two years, and as Sena told me. “We lived in a small town where nothing ever happened, so it was big news, and always featured in the local newspaper and on local television.”

Sena’s difficulties continued until six years ago, when she began to go through a process of healing, the main feature of which was forgiving the man who killed her brother. As she describes it:

“I realised that it wasn’t serving any purpose for me to be so full of hatred and bitterness. All it was doing was causing intense pain inside me. It definitely wasn’t serving my purpose. So I decided to let go. I realised that he [the man who killed her brother] was no different to me. He said it was an accident, and I was sure he felt remorse about it. I knew that it was the right thing to do, to forgive him. And it had an immediate effect. I felt lighter and freer, as if I’d suddenly let go of about 40 years of ageing. It felt like my life could begin again.”

Since then Sena’s life has turned around. She feels that the experience has deepened and expanded her, and enabled to live a richer and more meaningful life.

Letting Go

It’s certainly not easy to forgive. If someone has wronged you – inflicted pain, humiliated you, abused or exploited you – it’s entirely natural to feel bitterness and resentment. That’s surely what they deserve. Surely what they don’t deserve is our empathy and understanding, and certainly not our charity. Surely to forgive them just “lets them off the hook” and gives them licence to mistreat others.

But there are good reasons why forgiveness is worthwhile. A prolonged, constant sense of resentment doesn’t punish the person who wronged you, but only yourself. Carrying resentment – or a grudge against someone – drains of us our energy and well-being. It creates tension inside us, makes us rigid, and creates a general sense of negativity which seeps through the whole of our lives. In a sense therefore, by carrying resentment, we allow the person to continue hurting us. An act of forgiveness, therefore, means releasing this resentment, freeing ourselves from the tension and rigidity which comes with carrying a grudge.

Research has shown how beneficial forgiveness can be. In a study at Stanford University, 259 people were assigned to either a nine hour “forgiveness workshop” or to a control group. At the end of the workshop, the workshop participants reported significantly lower levels of stress and anger, and more optimism and better health. (1)

You might assume that, if you had the opportunity to take revenge on someone who has wronged you, this would give you a tremendous sense of well-being, a sense of catharsis which would purge you of your resentment and make you feel liberated. But research has shown that this is generally not the case. Whereas people who don’t seek revenge tend to “move on,” people who take revenge continue to ruminate about the situation, which prolongs the negativity. Situations which may have been seen as trivial are inflated and inflamed. The “catharsis” of revenge only leads to more bitterness and resentment. (2)

And in any case, acts of revenge are counterproductive in the long run. They only set up a cycle of violence which leads to more hatred, hurt and destruction on both sides.

Empathy and Understanding

I’m aware that this is very idealistic, of course. The idea of offering complete forgiveness to someone who has wronged you may be a step which you’re unwilling to take. It may depend on the severity of the incident, and how strongly it has affected you.

However, there are some intermediate points between vengefulness and complete forgiveness. It may help simply to try to understand the person’s perspective, and look at the reasons for their actions. Did they really intend to hurt you? And even if they did, were they really responsible for their actions? If they really are “evil” in some way, perhaps this is due to factors beyond their own control – for example, psychological or personality problems, or environmental factors. Perhaps they suffer from low self-esteem, insecurity, or a psychiatric disorder. Perhaps they had a terrible upbringing which has scarred or traumatized them. It’s also worth remembering that people who hurt and humiliate others are usually full of psychological discord themselves, and most likely extremely unhappy.

It doesn’t really matter conclusions you come to – the simple act of empathising with the person may release some of your resentment.

And once you’ve reached that point you may feel that you can further, to the point of forgiveness. In Sena’s experience, forgiveness was sudden and immediate, but according to the psychologists Enright, Freedman and Rique, the process normally has four stages. First, there is the “Uncovering Phase,” where you become aware of the negative effect your resentment is having on your life. Second, there is the “Decision Phase,” when you decide to let go of your resentment. Next is the “Work Phase,” where you cultivate your forgiveness, by accepting what has happened and trying to empathize with the offender. Finally, there is the “deepening phase,” in which your forgiveness leads to a deeper understanding of yourself and of life in general; you might, for example,develop a sense of empathy and compassion for others who have suffered in a similar way. (3)

We shouldn’t, therefore, think that forgiveness means letting the wrongdoer “off the hook.” We should forgive for ourselves, not for them. If anything, forgiveness means letting ourselves “off the hook” – that is, freeing ourselves from unnecessary anger and bitterness, which – as Sena put it – serves no purpose and blights ourselves our lives with negativity. As the saying goes, “The best revenge is living well.”

Perhaps we also have a collective responsibility to forgive, as a way of avoiding (or at least mitigating) the conflicts and wars which still rage throughout the world – all of which began and are continually inflamed by resentment, and which will keep raging until empathy and understanding overcome resentment. As Archbishop Desmond Tutu has written, “Forgiveness is an absolute necessity for continued human existence.”

Notes/References

  1. http://learningtoforgive.com/research/effects-of-group-forgiveness-intervention-on-perceived-stress-state-and-trait-anger-symptoms-of-stress-self-reported-health-and-forgiveness-stanford-forgiveness-project/
  2. http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/95/6/1316/
  3. Enright, R.D. (1998). Comprehensive bibliography on interpersonal forgiveness. In R.D. Enright & J. North (Eds.), Exploring forgiveness (pp. 165-186). Madison, WI: University of Wisconsin Press

from:    http://wakeup-world.com/2016/08/26/the-power-of-forgiveness-the-transformational-effect-of-letting-go-of-resentment/

On Forgiveness

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Forgiveness As The Ultimate Act Of Self-Love!

May 15, 2016

Forgiveness As The Ultimate Act Of Self-Love!

by Ellyn Dye
Guest writer for In5D.com

Forgiveness can be a really sticky issue. Everyone knows it is “blessed” to forgive, yet most of us secretly—or not-so-secretly— harbor grudges, carry resentments, relive betrayals, and plot revenge, if only in our fantasies. After all, we “earned” those stripes through our own pain and anguish. If we let all that go, we lose part of ourselves, don’t we?? If we let it go, it means it doesn’t matter that we were hurt, doesn’t it?? Often people resist forgiving because they believe that in doing so they are condoning the bad behavior, invalidating their own experience and pain, pretending it never happened, and letting the person off “scot free.” That is simply not the case.

Forgiveness means acknowledging and accepting that something very painful happened or, yes, was done to you… and then letting it go and leaving it in the past where it belongs, so you can heal and move on in your own life. The other person probably moved on a long time ago!

And remember, it is totally up to you what, if any, future relationship you have with that person, and that will likely depend on whether he/she apologized, expressed true remorse, made amends, and worked to earn your trust again. Remember the adage: “Hurt me once, shame on YOU. Hurt me twice, shame on ME.” It’s true! “Turning the other cheek” may mean turning and walking away! We definitely don’t have to go back for a “second dose,” and it behooves us to learn from our experiences. We can only learn who people really are by observing, and sometimes experiencing, their actions. Every action is information about who a person is and whether we want him/her in our lives. And, as Maya Angelou said, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them!”

Holding on to past grievances is like permanently holding ourselves in the moment of the pain so we can relive it over and over again.When we are still stuck emotionally in a painful event, we are stuck firmly in the past, not moving forward with our lives, and we are giving our lives over to that single event. It becomes a defining moment for us. Many people actually define their entire existence in terms of what someone else did to them years, or even decades ago! Is it possible they want their entire life to become a shrine to one painful event? Why? What is the emotional payoff for that?

Think of it this way:  Someone walks up and hits you in the head with a baseball bat and walks away. Instead of going home to get first aid and heal your wound, you pick up the baseball bat and, over the next few years, periodically pick up the bat and hit yourself in the head again. By the end of five years, you’ve hit yourself in the head a few thousand times, with your built-up anger and resentment adding force to each blow. The person who originally hit you with the bat only did it once. So, at the end of the five years, who caused you the most pain and the most harm? That person or you?

Emotional pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness build up in our systems if we don’t vent them and let them go. Emotions are intended to be Energy in Motion, and emotional energies can cause all kinds of problems if they don’t move out of our systems. They are like toxic fumes that continually swirl around us. They make us sick and, worse, attract more toxic fumes… that will attract more painful events… that will emit more toxic fumes…

We create a continuing loop, and each time we relive the event in our minds, the neural networks that were created become deeper and stronger, so it is easier to “fall back” into that thought and feeling. It poisons our minds, our hearts, our bodies, and our lives, and often the lives of those around us. Before long, we view everything through that filter and our vision, our thoughts, and our emotional processes are so poisoned that the only thing we can see, think, or feel is pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness. We begin to believe that Life is defined by that, and we no longer allow anything else in, because our outer reality always proves that our beliefs are true!

It also traps us in victim mode. By holding on to past grievances and marinating ourselves in those toxic emotions, we give every ounce of our power away to the other person.We give up responsibility for ourselves and our emotional state of being, we wallow in our self-pity, and we give others power over our lives.

The truth is, no one can truly hurt us unless we let them.(OUCH!) Knowingly or unknowingly, we contribute to our own pain. We may not have control over what others do but, contrary to popular belief, we DO have control over how we respond. We can cling to the pain and relive it, or we can heal and walk away. In fact, it is never the experiences that create our lives and who we are, it is how we respond to them. Do we learn and grow and rise above, or do we fall and wallow and give up? It really is our choice.

 

As is so often the case, we can learn so much from the children. Kids know how to “shake it off,” unless the adults teach them to cling to their pain. A happy child falls, skins a knee, has mom “fix it,” and then runs out to play again. Kids accept that pain is just something that happens in life. They know all too well that sometimes people are mean and do things that hurt them, and they don’t let it stop them. We could use a lot more of that!

We owe it to ourselves to forgive. It is all for US, not for them. Forgiveness is truly a “selfish act,” and it really does set us free.

So how do we do that? When someone betrays us; abuses us; takes advantage of us; causes physical, mental, or emotional harm, how do we work our way to the point where we can forgive them and let it go? How do we, as Jiminy Cricket used to say, “Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again”?

It isn’t always easy, and we generally have to go one step at a time, but it may be the most important part of our healing process. If we can reframe our understanding of the event, we can often change our perspective enough to forgive and make lemonade from those lemons. Here are some ways to reframe:

Recognize that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at the time. This includes ALL resources, such as emotional understanding and capacity, self-esteem, knowledge, wisdom, experience, energy, ability to empathize with others, and level of overwhelm. Most people are running on empty, especially in the last few years: they are stretched so thin, they don’t have enough time, energy, money, strength, or mental or emotional capacity to cope. People are running on auto-pilot, and when a complex situation presents itself that requires discernment, integrity, generosity, kindness, and love, often they only have the ability to react out of fear. They cannot think about the impact of their actions on other people, because they are struggling just to manage a situation and get through it.

Even when people do try to consider others, they still don’t really know the full impact of their actions; none of us can ever really know, because a person’s reaction to what we do is based not only on what we do, but also on their entire emotional history.

What other people do to us is not really about US. How we react to what other people do to us is not really about THEM.

What people do comes from their state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage. How we react to anything that happens to us comes from our state of mind, emotional state, and emotional baggage.

This is an important distinction: our reactions and sensitivities to what others do is our own, based on everything that has ever happened to us and how we have reacted. People can push our buttons without even knowing we have those buttons, and we can push theirs. Heck, I can push people’s buttons just by walking into a room!! What is perfectly fine for one person can be highly offensive, threatening, or pain-invoking for someone else. And we have absolutely no way of knowing that until we find out the hard way, when they react in a totally unexpected way. It’s the same for others and our reactions. The key for all of us is to identify the buttons we have and heal the underlying pain, so there is no longer a button to push!

Forgive them, for they know not what they do. To me, this request, attributed to Jesus on the cross, is one of the most important, and most difficult, lessons in the Bible. When we can recognize that every action, by anyone, is either an act of love or a cry for love,and respond accordingly, we have truly released our attachment to control and pain and moved into love and compassion. When we can learn to be in that space of love and forgiveness, we have taken a giant step in our own healing and evolution.

Even when someone does something intentionally to be mean, inflicting damage or pain on purpose, they still do not know what they are doing or why. They are still only acting from the depths of their own fear, pain, and insecurity, doing the best they can. If bullies were not so terrified and self-loathing, themselves, they would not feel the need to inflict pain on others. Because of the abuse they have endured in their own lives, they can only feel powerful or good about themselves when they are putting others down or abusing them. They are getting through life the only way they know how, by treating others as they have been treated. Instead of healing their own pain, they inflict pain on others. Sadly, it appears that our culture has created a society of bullies. “The sins of the father,” passed down from generation to generation, are the dysfunctional, self-loathing ways of being in the world, based on the accumulated unhealed wounds and pain.

People who feel good about themselves, who are self-aware, and who have worked on their own healing, generally have no need to intentionally cause pain or create conflict; and if they do so by mistake, they usually can recognize it quickly and rectify it or make amends. People who indulge in desperate acts feel desperate inside. People who inflict pain are filled with pain, themselves. People who act badly simply are unable, in that moment, to act any better, for whatever reason. They cannot be focused on you and your pain, because they can only focus on their own. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Recognizing how we often participate in causing ourselves pain is a humbling experience, and an important step toward forgiveness of ourselves and others, as well as toward our own self-awareness.

We must understand that no one can hurt us emotionally unless we “let” them. Nothing anyone else does is deeply painful unless there is something inside us that resonates with it. That unhealed emotional pain inside us—or our attachment to control of external events and others—sets up a resonance and attracts more pain into our lives. It’s those “buttons” again, that keep getting pushed. Used consciously, an emotional response can alert us to our deep, unhealed pain so we can heal it and eliminate the buttons. Unfortunately, we usually just cling more to each painful incident, thus increasing the resonance in an escalating cycle.

When we blame others for how we feel, regardless of what they have done; when we give others the power to hurt us and “ruin” our lives, we keep ourselves trapped in that resonance-pain-resonance-pain feedback loop. And if we feel, deep inside, that we deserve pain—or if we have been betraying ourselves by allowing abuse—then pain and betrayal will become the pattern of our lives until we break the cycle. And it is up to us, not someone else, to do the work to heal and break the cycle. If we allow ourselves to be doormats, we cannot really hold it against someone who wipes his feet on us, because we invited the action, consciously or unconsciously.

As Doctor Phil says, it’s up to us to teach people how to treat us, and we do that every day in every interaction, consciously or unconsciously. We do it by what we allow and what we don’t allow. Our relationships show us what we are teaching people about how we believe we deserve to be treated—and sometimes, that’s not pretty! We often stay in abusive situations, hoping the other person will change, because we are too afraid to empower ourselves to leave and create our own change. Or, deep down, we believe that we deserve it. (We don’t—EVER! And sometimes that’s our biggest lesson!)

We can also sometimes unconsciously “invite” or set ourselves up for disappointment and pain by harboring unrealistic expectations of others and/or by not clearly conveying our expectations to others. That is a trap, and no one wins. Often, we feel that others should somehow “know” what we need, want, or expect (possibly because we are afraid to express our needs clearly, or don’t believe we deserve to have them met). When others do not fulfill those needs or expectations, we take it personally, feel hurt, and hold it against them. But our needs are our responsibility.

We also may expect others to act in the same ways that we would in a given situation; we expect someone to act fairly because we would, or we expect someone to consider our needs and feelings because we would do that for them. We expect others to share our values and integrity and, perhaps to even act in our interests instead of their own. But again, these are unrealistic expectations, and unrealistic expectations only set us

from:    http://in5d.com/forgiveness-as-the-ultimate-act-of-self-love/

Feeling Stuck? Consider These

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9 Things to Remember When You’re Feeling Stuck

9 Things to Remember When You're Feeling Stuck

16th August 2014

By Whitney Anthony

Guest Writer for Wake up World

If you’re like most of us, you’ve had a period in your life where you just felt stuck. Have you ever wondered what you’re doing with your life? Do questions such as, “Where am I”? and “How did I get here?” strike a particular nerve with you? If the answer is yes, chances are, you’re stuck.

Now if you’re one of the lucky ones, who feel like everything in life is going exactly as you planned, then congrats to you, soak it up, but read on. The likelihood is that you, too, will at some point in your life feel stuck.

Here are 9 things to remember for those occasions when you’re feeling stuck. Save this list and refer back to it as needed, because it can be hard to see your way out when you’re right in the thick of it.

9 Things to Remember When You’re Feeling Stuck

1. Acknowledge and accept that you are feeling stuck.

This is the first and most important thing to remember. Like anything in life, the key is knowing where you are on your journey and then appreciating that reality.

We all know when we are stuck but sometimes it can be hard to accept. Being stuck is an inner feeling. It feels stagnant, demotivating, and even oppressive. Perhaps this is why it can be so hard to admit when we’re feeling stuck. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and can lead to feelings of sadness and depression… but, so what? Welcome to the feeling spectrum of life! Let yourself be in the ‘stuckness’ without resisting it. Shift your relationship by being aware of it without judgment. Once we can acknowledge that we are feeling stuck, it is then that we have the power to get ourselves unstuck.

2. Being stuck is a feeling that comes from within.

When we feel stuck, often our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for somewhere (or someone) to blame. In reality, we ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond. Your life is your responsibility. While you can’t always change what’s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it. And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves begin to change.

3. Being stuck is often a symptom.

It is a symptom that your life is about to change, or that an internal change is needed. It could be a change of heart or even just a change of perspective. But the point in either case is that what you are doing is no longer working for you. Imagine yourself as a river, flowing into a great ocean. Often, a river grows narrower and appears to lack movement, just before it breaks through to the larger body of water. The same happens to us as we prepare for a breakthrough. Our flow must contract before it can expand. And the contraction is equally important to the expansion.

4. Being stuck serves a spiritual purpose.

Like all times of stillness, it is fertile ground for transformation to occur. Being stuck is an invitation to grow. We know that what worked before no longer works and it’s up to us to see where we can open up and let go. If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, then the point of life is character transformation.

5. Don’t waste your white space.

This is your opportunity to grow – a time for introspection and reflection. So don’t waste it! Just because you don’t think anything is going on in your life, doesn’t mean the Universe is not at work. Don’t underestimate the times in your life when it seems like you’re not moving forward. Think of the white space as your garden in preparation for your blossoming. What is occurring IN you is just as important, if not more important, than what is happening THROUGH you. Anyone can grow horizontally as they acquire more and more material things. But it takes courage to grow vertically, deeper and deeper into yourself. This kind of growth is far more rare. And it’s the only growth that really counts.

6. Life is not a story about you.

This is one of the hardest lessons for people to learn. But once you understand it, it can be incredibly freeing. This is not your story. Life is not about you. Rather, you are part of a much larger story, one in which you are not in control. You don’t know the theme, the climax, or resolution. You are one of many characters. So let go, and enjoy the ride. Believe that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Trust that life will reveal answers at the pace which life wishes to do so. While you feel like running, the Universe may be on a stroll.

7. Let go of others’ opinions.

Care about what others think and you will always be their prisoner. Your freedom lies not in the physical space around you, but in your mind. As long as you cling to other people’s definitions of truth, beauty, and happiness, you will always be chained. Thoughts that begin with, “I have to…” or “I really should…” reveal where we feel most obligated to direct our energy. Write your own definitions. Finish your own sentences. Find your own way. And most importantly, listen to your spirit. It knows what you need.

8. Tomorrow could be your last day.

So what are you waiting for? Often when we are stuck, we’re secretly waiting for something to happen. We wonder when the winds will change in our favor. We do this, instead of embracing the present as it is and acknowledging the change that needs to occur within us. What is keeping you from moving forward? If not fear and anxiety, then what? Insecurities? Comfort? Laziness? What is your excuse? We all have one; whether we are cognizant of it or not. And when we begin to make more excuses then we do steps, we fall into the familiar pit called “Stuck”.

9. You’re not as stuck you might think.

A lot of us come out of school wanting to change the world but then we get into the middle of it and find it’s harder than we thought. We can no longer see that shore in the distance. The land behind us stops getting smaller and the land in front of us isn’t getting any larger. We wonder if our ship is moving at all. But did you know that with each passing six months, nearly every cell in your body dies and another is formed in its place? The human body is constantly recreating itself. You are not who you were last August. You are already changing more than you know. Which means you’re not as stuck as you may think you are!

About the author:

Whitney Anthony is a writer from Raleigh, NC. In addition to writing, she loves singing and performing and is the author of the Vehicle of Wisdom blog.

from:    http://wakeup-world.com/2014/08/16/9-things-to-remember-when-youre-feeling-stuck/